The Search

Today, while on my usual bike ride out to the bay, an owl cruised with me for about two minutes. Those two minutes felt like a good fifteen. A wild animal chose to spend a brief moment with a complete stranger – an alien, really. Less than ten yards away, we flew side-by-side along the path. Then she crossed in front of me and dove down into the long grass. She popped up with empty claws and continued the flight. I realized she was using me to spot any critters or mice scattering because of the human passing by. I didn’t mind though. It still felt like magic because I got to watch her search for something with mine own eyes instead of on the Discovery Channel. Then after another minute, she swooped in front of me and turned around back to her hunting ground as graceful as well, a bird in the sky. And I continued on my journey.

She made me remember something I wanted to write about a while ago, The Search. A few months ago, I was complaining about globalization, the ease of travel, and of course, the goddamn interweb. When I was still young, my parents would drag me with them to foreign lands – the summer vacation. I’d run into other kids in different parts of the world. I recall all the cultural differences from the way we dressed, to my inability to speak their language and their inability to speak English. And I remember showing them music from the US and how astonished they were with it. Then I listened to their music and I was blown away as well. But the immediate connection over something different, yet universal, always made me smile. Now, everywhere I go, people look the same and listen to the same stuff with the same equipment, even. There are slight variations here and there but mostly, the same. It’s harder to tell where people are from and I’ve noticed that even accents, especially in the US, tend to blend a bit more together. Chalk that up to broadcast journalists, although, they all sound Californian to me.

I was and am often fond of The Search. I’m not really interested in discovering what it is I’m searching for. I’m just interested in it actually “missing” or being elusive like the abominable snowman or Sasquatch. It’s intriguing because you can’t see, smell, touch or taste it. So many things were like that for me… Before the interwebs.

I’m truly grateful I don’t have to remember the meaning of every word and how I can instantly search for a synonym of ‘fun’ by just right-clicking. It’s ‘enjoyment’! I love it. I feel it. It’s great. Still, there is something about searching for something and never finding it that appeals to me. I don’t want to be frustrated and yet, I do. For example, I always wondered what happened to a certain someone I let down back in the 8^th grade. She was a person who I thought I felt something special for but then didn’t and then realized I really did later on. Yeah, one of those. So, for the past – let’s see, how long has the internet been around? – 15 years or so, I’ve been looking her up online and doing my own internet stalking. But there was no one to stalk because I could never find her… Until I did a few months ago. And it was great news. She’s married with kids and looked incredibly happy. It was more than I could’ve wished for her. Yet, something inside me was unhappy. I felt like I never wanted to find her. I just wanted to keep searching and never actually see what happened. I don’t carry any misguided feelings or what ifs about her. I’m happily married. I feel like I wanted to know I didn’t mess up her life by one mistake – how egotistical of me, I know. There is simply something in me that wished the search could go on. After that search ended, I felt like that guy in the old NetZero ad; I had seen all there was to see on the interwebs. It’s kind of sad, really, and that’s when my anger or frustration with the interwebs and the New World really took flight once more. I don’t think I’ll be logging off the internet for good. We just signed up for this really fast service and I’m loving the download speed. But where else will my search continue? I’m starting to go back to nature and look for it there. Maybe that search will prove daunting, exciting and never ending? Maybe I’ll find another bird to fly with me along the water? And maybe, just maybe, I won’t be able to find the answer to what’s out there. I’ll just get brief moments of magic…

- wear a helmet

Free Fallin'

There’s something sexy and scary about going into the unknown. Somehow, getting on that plane a year ago plunged me into a deep free fall to an existence I only dreamed possible. I’m in love with a beautiful, amazing woman and damn, she loves me, too. It’s been one year, two months and eleven days since we got married and it’s been one year and three days since I landed on British soil. It’s been an amazing experience so far. As the journey continues, I learn more and more about the world, its people, especially moi et mon amour.

At the airport in San Francisco last year, standing in front of some of my favorite people in this world – cousins – I didn’t know if I was going to be able to hold back my emotions but I managed. It’s easier to leave than be left behind but only if you know when you’re coming back. I didn’t. No clue. I managed to return to California in November but only for a few days. Now, I’m lost as to when I’ll ever hit stateside again. Still, that doesn’t mean I’m stuck in a sad lonely place. I’m discovering an old world for my wife and myself.

So many different topics I expected to touch on about my experiences and life in another country, etc. But one thing I remembered from an interview with the writer of The Beach. He said he and his friends travel the globe. They each go on their own journeys for weeks even months at a time. What I thought was the weirdest thing until a few years ago is he and his friends never talk about their experiences abroad. It’s so true. No one wants to hear about your journey unless you were kidnapped by time traveling Nazis and rescued by Indiana Jones. So, on that note, I’ll simply say I’m extremely thankful I got to experience living in another country. Traveling is one thing but adjusting to different cultures for an ostensibly permanent stay, well, that’s a totally different adventure.

In celebration of my first year in England, I hope you get to or have done the same at some point in your life.

- wear a helmet

Finishing up 2011, The New Year and Riding the A380

2011 ended well and 2012 started with a bang. From London Bridge, we watched the fireworks hover above the buildings toward far away London Eye. Boom boom BANG! 2012, here we come.

Back to Cali

In November, I took a last minute trip back to Northern Cali and stopped in Chicago on the way back to visit family. Certainly, leaving a place over and over and coming back to it changes my perspective on things. I still love the bay but I think it’s the people I miss more than anything. Sure, it’s a magical place filled with a sort of hippy energy vibe that only a Californian would understand or be able to properly portray. At times though, I still feel like I need that energy… So, yup, I miss the place and the people.

Back to the Philippines

As soon as 2012 started, the wife and I packed our bags and headed back to the Philippines. After the first night, I realized how much I missed my mom. I hadn’t seen her for a year and 2011 was so busy, we only spoke a few times over the phone. She picked me up at the airport and that was just an awesome hug. For the past 6 years, she’s really been struggling with her diabetes. Over the past two years, she’s been under strict watch by her sister, my Tita Adjette. And over those past two years, my mom’s health has dramatically improved. She walks well on her own. She eats the right things (most of the time). And she is more aware of her condition. Denial was a long trip for my mom but she’s finally coming to grips with it. Her memory isn’t as good anymore but I attribute that to plain old age. My Tita Adjette has done excellent work with my mom.

We did the usual rounds back in Manila. We saw all our friends and family and spend what time we could with them. We took my mom to Cebu for her 70^th Birthday and wow, I feel like the resort we stayed at earned its own complete entry but I’m not going to do that. Let’s just say the Mactan Shangri-La Resort & Spa is a must experience. If you’ve ever stayed at a Shangri-La resort, then you know. Once you’ve stayed at a place like that, the rest of the world just… Yeah. We returned from Mactan and then we flew back to the UK the next morning. On our last night, I got to eat at my favorite restaurant in Manila, Café Juanita. There is no other Kare-kare. I got to hug and kiss all my favorite people there and even though it was short, I still felt the love.

I guess sometimes, you only get to see your favorite people in short stints. Maybe it’s better that way. We don’t have to deal with all the other garbage that comes with life. And we all know it’s a lot.

We flew from Manila to Singapore and then from Singapore to London. From Singapore to London, we got to ride the A380. That plane is MASSIVE and just so damn comfortable. Check it out for yourself when you get the chance.

So, now it’s back home as Daniel-san says, “Home is where you hang your hat.”

- wear a helmet

Birthday Week and Pacquiao…

I just took another step into the thirty-something club and turned 32. Damn, I still can’t believe how old I am. And now, I sound like my parents and all their friends. Occasionally, I’d hear, “Wow, I can’t believe I’m... I still feel like I’m dah-dah-dah.” It’s just one of this things you don’t understand until you get older…

So, the wife treated me to several nights in Bath. You know, that place where the Romans took showers. No wait, they bathed. Yes, make sure you say it like BAYth-ed.

The trip was great – so relaxing, especially after our big move. We got two massages in one day and spent some time in a small room that is purposely heated to make you hot and wet. Oh, yeah. I think it’s called a steam room.

We also ate at this awesome Italian place, Aio. If you ever find yourself in Bath, stop at this small joint and order whatever’s on the menu. I’m sure it’ll be great.

It was an uneventful trip but that’s the way I like to spend my birthdays now. Damn, maybe I am getting old. I no longer crave for sake bombs, endless sushi and bottomless beers. Nope. It’s time to live…

Now, to the other stuff:

This is a bit late but I’d like to put in my two cents about the Pacquiao vs. Marquez controversial decision. At the end of the fight, I sat on the couch and looked at my wife. We thought, “Shit, PacMan just lost his belt.” Then, Michael Buffer announced the decision and we were just CONFUSED. We started sympathizing with the BOOS and listening to the UK commentators who were vehement Pacquiao lost. Then we scoured the internet for articles. Well, really, the wife scoured and she filled me in on the details. After a few minutes of debating the decision in my head, I got flashbacks of another controversial decision but in the UFC. It was Shogun vs Machida I. In that fight, Shogun shut down Machida’s famous in and out Karate striking style by laying down some nasty leg kicks. He ultimately lost to a decision and the crowd BOOED and cried BULLSHIT! Then a commentator said something like, when in a title fight, “You don’t just have to win the fight. You have to beat the champion.” And this seems appropriate for the recent controversial decision. Marquez stifled Pacquiao’s game. He made PacMan fight cautiously and brilliantly avoided that dangerous left hand. Still, the judges saw he lost on points and after the Compubox scores came out, it made even more sense. And the fact that Marquez backed up the whole fight didn’t help him at all either.

In Manny’s corner, there was so much hype. Freddie Roach declared a knockout in six rounds or less and strength and conditioning coach, Alex Ariza, said Marquez could not win if God himself came into the ring that night. When the bell rang at the end of the 12^th round, I was sure Ariza had jinxed the fight. Then when the decision was announced, it was really hard to believe. But in a title fight, you can’t just win the fight. You have to beat the champion. Marquez did not do that.

I’m sure there will be a fourth installment in this awesome war but hopefully, PacMan gets a chance at Mayweather even though, after this fight, I’m actually afraid for Manny. When Money Mayweather fought Marquez, he made Marquez look like an old man. He danced his dance and Marquez left the ring defeated. If Manny had a hard time putting away Marquez, even after two previous meetings, well, you be the judge.

- wear a helmet

30 Weeks Later…

In the 30 weeks I’ve been in England, I’ve done 26 Walks in London, gone to the Lake District, Liverpool, seen Strawberry Fields, watched a show at the last place Jimi Hendrix ever performed, saw a bunch of blue plaques that mark where a bunch of dead people used to live at some point in their lives - among those people were Mozart and Karl Marx (in the same neighborhood) – decided to live in a different part of England, and almost cried to the season finale of Breaking Bad.

Yup, I’ve been busy. I’ve been writing. I’m working on a new script and hope it gets some play. It’s my first attempt at a comedy (knowingly). My first comedy was written UNknowingly and that turned out alright. It didn’t sell but what the hell, it was funny. At least, that’s what my mom said. Nah, she didn’t even read it. Still, I’ll let you know how this one turns out.

Breaking Bad Season 4. Anyone get a chance to watch it? If you consider yourself my friend, you’ll get the DVDs, sit your ass on the couch and watch this show – immediately. It’s the best-written thing on television since The Wire and The West Wing. I know that’s saying a lot but just try it out. Please.

Fatherhood. For me, that’s what this show is all about. It explores the depths of fatherhood and reminds me of my own dad. Inside the dark comedy, the meth, the killing, the Western-style intensity, there lies a simple tale of a father trying to provide for his family. At least, it begins that way, then it turns ugly, and becomes a story about how good intentions can lead to bad deeds. Still, it is the same story and it touches on something very dear to my heart – family. I can see this happening to just about any decent man in the world who feels an obligation to provide and protect. Whether you see it my way or not, I’m sure you’ll agree, it’s one hell of a show.

Aside from all that, I’ve been enjoying my time with the wife. It really is a new life we’re both adjusting to – it feels like a really cool hat…

- wear a helmet

New Beginnings: A birth and a death

The first post is always the hardest. I haven’t blogged in about 3 years or so and this is where I begin again. A new place. A new frame of mind. A new me… Right.

So, tonight I finally found something to write about. I was hanging with the wife and some of her friends just outside of London. Her friends, a very nice couple, had a housewarming party. They just moved into a new home in the suburbs and to top that off, they’re almost five months pregnant. The meal was agreeable – chicken and lamb. The drinks helped wipe away the week’s stress – beer and Pimm’s. We played games, chatted away, had our teas, and eventually it was time to leave.

Upon leaving, the housewarming couple spoke to our other friends, the city-loving-no-kids-just-yet couple. The city couple asked the house couple to go with them to Vegas. Yes, they wanted the nearly five-month pregnant woman to go to Vegas with them. They were asking her to fly nearly 12 hours each way for just three to four nights of “what happens…” She respectfully declined by pointing out the horrible jetlag for only a few nights stay. The desperation in the city couple’s voices came through loud and clear. They kept pushing and pushing her to come. Side note failed to mention: The husband was already going with them. The pregnant woman just smiled and shrugged her shoulders.

Suddenly, this realization hit me like I was swimming in the ocean and a humpback decided to say hello by whacking me with its tail. The birth of their child meant the death of their former existence. They could no longer be like the city-loving-no-kids-just-yet couple. Once that baby is born, they are doomed to forever be “parents”. That’s it. Done and done. It sounds cynical. I’m really not right now. It’s just a realization. That same realization you get the month after graduation. That same realization you get an hour after the first time you have sex. That same realization you get a week after you start your first job. This is kind of awesome but it is fucking scary, too.

In my early 30’s, I know that their future is soon to be my future. It’s something I hope for – something I’ve been looking forward to for the past I-don’t-know-how-long…

And there we were, in that moment. I didn’t know if anyone else could feel it. I sure as hell did. This city couple wanted to hold on to what they had with the suburb couple. They wanted one last GO at it – one last chance to do “What happens…” with their friends. Pregnant for nearly five months, they knew it wasn’t possible. Yet, they hoped for it. They longed for it, because as much as they loved them, they knew the death of their relationship, as they knew it, was fast approaching. If you have friends who have kids, or if you have kids yourself, then you understand. But this moment. This wonderful, bittersweet moment spelt something out for me. It was something I rarely see or notice, even when my brother left the house at 16 to support an unexpected family. In this moment, I felt it. I felt life beginning and ending at the same time, as it always does.

- wear a helmet