The Search

Today, while on my usual bike ride out to the bay, an owl cruised with me for about two minutes. Those two minutes felt like a good fifteen. A wild animal chose to spend a brief moment with a complete stranger – an alien, really. Less than ten yards away, we flew side-by-side along the path. Then she crossed in front of me and dove down into the long grass. She popped up with empty claws and continued the flight. I realized she was using me to spot any critters or mice scattering because of the human passing by. I didn’t mind though. It still felt like magic because I got to watch her search for something with mine own eyes instead of on the Discovery Channel. Then after another minute, she swooped in front of me and turned around back to her hunting ground as graceful as well, a bird in the sky. And I continued on my journey.

She made me remember something I wanted to write about a while ago, The Search. A few months ago, I was complaining about globalization, the ease of travel, and of course, the goddamn interweb. When I was still young, my parents would drag me with them to foreign lands – the summer vacation. I’d run into other kids in different parts of the world. I recall all the cultural differences from the way we dressed, to my inability to speak their language and their inability to speak English. And I remember showing them music from the US and how astonished they were with it. Then I listened to their music and I was blown away as well. But the immediate connection over something different, yet universal, always made me smile. Now, everywhere I go, people look the same and listen to the same stuff with the same equipment, even. There are slight variations here and there but mostly, the same. It’s harder to tell where people are from and I’ve noticed that even accents, especially in the US, tend to blend a bit more together. Chalk that up to broadcast journalists, although, they all sound Californian to me.

I was and am often fond of The Search. I’m not really interested in discovering what it is I’m searching for. I’m just interested in it actually “missing” or being elusive like the abominable snowman or Sasquatch. It’s intriguing because you can’t see, smell, touch or taste it. So many things were like that for me… Before the interwebs.

I’m truly grateful I don’t have to remember the meaning of every word and how I can instantly search for a synonym of ‘fun’ by just right-clicking. It’s ‘enjoyment’! I love it. I feel it. It’s great. Still, there is something about searching for something and never finding it that appeals to me. I don’t want to be frustrated and yet, I do. For example, I always wondered what happened to a certain someone I let down back in the 8^th grade. She was a person who I thought I felt something special for but then didn’t and then realized I really did later on. Yeah, one of those. So, for the past – let’s see, how long has the internet been around? – 15 years or so, I’ve been looking her up online and doing my own internet stalking. But there was no one to stalk because I could never find her… Until I did a few months ago. And it was great news. She’s married with kids and looked incredibly happy. It was more than I could’ve wished for her. Yet, something inside me was unhappy. I felt like I never wanted to find her. I just wanted to keep searching and never actually see what happened. I don’t carry any misguided feelings or what ifs about her. I’m happily married. I feel like I wanted to know I didn’t mess up her life by one mistake – how egotistical of me, I know. There is simply something in me that wished the search could go on. After that search ended, I felt like that guy in the old NetZero ad; I had seen all there was to see on the interwebs. It’s kind of sad, really, and that’s when my anger or frustration with the interwebs and the New World really took flight once more. I don’t think I’ll be logging off the internet for good. We just signed up for this really fast service and I’m loving the download speed. But where else will my search continue? I’m starting to go back to nature and look for it there. Maybe that search will prove daunting, exciting and never ending? Maybe I’ll find another bird to fly with me along the water? And maybe, just maybe, I won’t be able to find the answer to what’s out there. I’ll just get brief moments of magic…

- wear a helmet

Free Fallin'

There’s something sexy and scary about going into the unknown. Somehow, getting on that plane a year ago plunged me into a deep free fall to an existence I only dreamed possible. I’m in love with a beautiful, amazing woman and damn, she loves me, too. It’s been one year, two months and eleven days since we got married and it’s been one year and three days since I landed on British soil. It’s been an amazing experience so far. As the journey continues, I learn more and more about the world, its people, especially moi et mon amour.

At the airport in San Francisco last year, standing in front of some of my favorite people in this world – cousins – I didn’t know if I was going to be able to hold back my emotions but I managed. It’s easier to leave than be left behind but only if you know when you’re coming back. I didn’t. No clue. I managed to return to California in November but only for a few days. Now, I’m lost as to when I’ll ever hit stateside again. Still, that doesn’t mean I’m stuck in a sad lonely place. I’m discovering an old world for my wife and myself.

So many different topics I expected to touch on about my experiences and life in another country, etc. But one thing I remembered from an interview with the writer of The Beach. He said he and his friends travel the globe. They each go on their own journeys for weeks even months at a time. What I thought was the weirdest thing until a few years ago is he and his friends never talk about their experiences abroad. It’s so true. No one wants to hear about your journey unless you were kidnapped by time traveling Nazis and rescued by Indiana Jones. So, on that note, I’ll simply say I’m extremely thankful I got to experience living in another country. Traveling is one thing but adjusting to different cultures for an ostensibly permanent stay, well, that’s a totally different adventure.

In celebration of my first year in England, I hope you get to or have done the same at some point in your life.

- wear a helmet

Finishing up 2011, The New Year and Riding the A380

2011 ended well and 2012 started with a bang. From London Bridge, we watched the fireworks hover above the buildings toward far away London Eye. Boom boom BANG! 2012, here we come.

Back to Cali

In November, I took a last minute trip back to Northern Cali and stopped in Chicago on the way back to visit family. Certainly, leaving a place over and over and coming back to it changes my perspective on things. I still love the bay but I think it’s the people I miss more than anything. Sure, it’s a magical place filled with a sort of hippy energy vibe that only a Californian would understand or be able to properly portray. At times though, I still feel like I need that energy… So, yup, I miss the place and the people.

Back to the Philippines

As soon as 2012 started, the wife and I packed our bags and headed back to the Philippines. After the first night, I realized how much I missed my mom. I hadn’t seen her for a year and 2011 was so busy, we only spoke a few times over the phone. She picked me up at the airport and that was just an awesome hug. For the past 6 years, she’s really been struggling with her diabetes. Over the past two years, she’s been under strict watch by her sister, my Tita Adjette. And over those past two years, my mom’s health has dramatically improved. She walks well on her own. She eats the right things (most of the time). And she is more aware of her condition. Denial was a long trip for my mom but she’s finally coming to grips with it. Her memory isn’t as good anymore but I attribute that to plain old age. My Tita Adjette has done excellent work with my mom.

We did the usual rounds back in Manila. We saw all our friends and family and spend what time we could with them. We took my mom to Cebu for her 70^th Birthday and wow, I feel like the resort we stayed at earned its own complete entry but I’m not going to do that. Let’s just say the Mactan Shangri-La Resort & Spa is a must experience. If you’ve ever stayed at a Shangri-La resort, then you know. Once you’ve stayed at a place like that, the rest of the world just… Yeah. We returned from Mactan and then we flew back to the UK the next morning. On our last night, I got to eat at my favorite restaurant in Manila, Café Juanita. There is no other Kare-kare. I got to hug and kiss all my favorite people there and even though it was short, I still felt the love.

I guess sometimes, you only get to see your favorite people in short stints. Maybe it’s better that way. We don’t have to deal with all the other garbage that comes with life. And we all know it’s a lot.

We flew from Manila to Singapore and then from Singapore to London. From Singapore to London, we got to ride the A380. That plane is MASSIVE and just so damn comfortable. Check it out for yourself when you get the chance.

So, now it’s back home as Daniel-san says, “Home is where you hang your hat.”

- wear a helmet